


Mage Reviews Starkit's Prophecy!

by MageWolf



Category: Warriors - Erin Hunter
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Bad Jokes, Commentary, Cussing, How Do I Tag, Other, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:54:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27768604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MageWolf/pseuds/MageWolf
Summary: Just as the title says, a bored author with low motivation to write decides to add another commentary to the pile! Mage will make jokes, try to interpret the bad spelling and grammar, critique the bad writing, and try to make the audience laugh!
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6





	1. Bottom of the Barrel (AKA Mage reads the first four chapters)

**Heya! This is Magewolf, but you're allowed to call me Mage, as that's what I'm calling myself throughout this! Rolls off the tongue easier, y'know?**

**So, I've been feeling fed up with my lack of writing motivation. I haven't felt inspired to write for a a short while. Four days to be exact, but I've been growing tired of staring at my stories and trying to think of something while watching Danny Gonzales and Kurtis Conner, so I decided to review for the second time in my life Starkit's Prophecy! I did it on DA at one point way back in late 2018, but that shit's old as dirt and very unfunny. So here we are, starting anew! If you guys like it, please tell me, it makes me feel good and makes me happy that people like my shit!**

**So, just a warning, the fic itself is homophobic, has pedo-y undertones, and completely butchers canon. But I'm sure anyone who clicked on this knows what they're in for, so let's begin!**

**Note, my commentary will be in bold. The actual fic will be normal.**

* * *

Chpater oen prouloge

The cats gathered around a pool. They all looked into it eagerly.

**Wow, so descriptive! I wish J.K Rowling wrote like this! It would really make her book less intimidating to first-graders!**

**"And so, young Harry went off with the giant man who is possibly trying to kidnap him to Hogwarts. He was excited."**

A dark shape appeared on the surface.

**God damnit, someone needs to tell the StarClan cats that the prophecy pool or whatever the fuck isn't the toilet! We can't keep having giant steaming shits float into the pool and get mistaken for a sign!**

A blue she cat looked up.

**Bluestar! Get the hell out of this fanfiction before the author ruins you! You still are one of my favorite cats!**

Her eyes were bright.

**Ah yes, Bluestar's eyes are made of flashlights. Makes perfect sense**

"There is a prophecy!" She said. "out of the darkness, stars will come and get rid of the evil tiger and holly."

**... Just... why. Why the fuck is Hollyleaf evil? This bugged me ever since I first read this fanfic. Sure, she went off the deep end at one point once she found out her birth broke her precious warrior code, but she regretted it pretty much instantly! I mean, I wish the Erins explored more of Hollyleaf's breakdown, but I don't think they intended her to be evil!**

"Its about StarKit!" A white tom said. "Shes going to save the forest,"

**Correction: She'll destroy it with her Mary-Sueness**

He looked at a gold tom by BlueStar. "she has powers nobody dreamed of." Said the gold tom.

**Powers of EVIL!!! (Cheesy lightning and thunder booms in the background) Huh... wonder where that came from**

"Should we tell JayFeather?" He asked.

**Ah yes, the pinnacle of debate. Should we tell the spiritual leader of the clan of a prophecy that could potentially change the clans as we know it forever? Or just leave them in the dark? SO HARD TO DECIDE!!!**

"Yes." Said BlueStar. "he needs to know."

**Smart cat. At least he gets a heads-up so he can smother the little brat once her mother is done shitting her out**

**Also, I guess I was right. That is Bluestar!**

She walked away from the pool to tell JayFeather about the prophcy.

did u like it? plz tell me in urm review!

**Well, it was poorly written, extremely vague in descriptions of what's going on, and cliche as hell. But sure, let's have your alternate accounts and supposedly different people in guest reviews kiss your ass**

* * *

Chapter to the rose of a Heroin

**AHA! I knew the author was on drugs went writing this!**

ok jazzie-kun pleas dont get mad at me cause your not in it yet. You'l apear soon dont worry.

**Jazzie, tell your friend that placing real life people you know into fanfictions is a usually cringy move.**

StarKit wock up and sunlit was in the branches. She closed her eyes againstill tired.

**(Sarcasm activated)**

**What wonderful spelling! Such amazing grammer! You, ma'am, deserve a writing award!**

Butter mom wouldn't let her sleep not today.

**Butter mom, please let me visit the kids! I haven't seen them in five years!**

"Sweety its time to get up" said Dawnsparkle; her eys shinning. "Today is important today."

**Welcome to redundancy! Where we repeat everything is repeated!**

"What is it Mom" said StarKit awake right away. Then the she cat rememembered what today was.

**Oh lord, don't tell me...**

"Ohmigosh its my serimony today!'

**DAMNIT!**

she squelled excercisedly. Today was the day she was an apprentice!

**How the flying tits do you squell?! Is it an exercise or is it a primal noise very few people can make? Either way, Starkit is a level 9000 dumbass for forgetting the most important ceremony of her life, right next to her warrior ceremony!**

She flicked outside not even waiting for her Mom.

**Starkit! I thought we told you no teleportation powers today? The clan thinks you're an abomination already, don't give them a reason to riot!**

**Also, I thought her mom was a stick of butter, therefore she can't walk?**

But her Mom cot up to her quick.

**...Okay, so she's a WALKING stick of butter. Got it.**

"Sweety you know the clans don't except cat slike use sometimes." She said.

**No shit! She's a Mary Sue, THE example of how not to write a Warrior Cat protagonist!**

StarKit glared. She didn't lake beig told that. Just because her Mom was a usedto be Shadowclan cat and her dad was jayFeather the medicine Cat didn"t mean she ws different!

**Because OF COURSE she's the daughter of some random ShadowClan cat we've never heard of and literally one of the three! She wouldn't be a Mary Sue if she wasn't, you dummy!**

"StarPaw come here." Said FireStar from the leg. He jumped down.

\

**Bad Firestar! We don't rip savagely rip off other cats' legs and stand on them to announce things! We have a cliff to give meetings from!**

"StarKit it s tome for you to become an apentice: he said. "Your a strong brave cat and because of that I will mentor with you."

**Damn! Barely out of the nursery and already a mentor! Must be the aforementioned Mary-Sueness!**

Ever body gasped. StarKit did too. Se herd hear mother say "Wow!".

**Oh honey, those weren't gasps of joy. They're probably wondering what the fuck kind of drug Firestar's on to make you his apprentice!**

Firehert liked her shoulder.

**Ah, smells like pedophilia!**

He whispered in her ear "youll be the best their ever was StarPaw I know ti."

**"With the promise of my firey dick and some child manipulation, I'll cover up the fact you're a disgusting Mary-Sue to the rest of the clan! Unless you want them to kill you?"**

Surpised she walked away when they were done howling for her./

**Did the book pack from book five make a cameo?**

Then she went ofer to JayFeathern and DawnSparkle who were very prod.

**Let's hope they prodded her to death**

"Daughetr where very happy but he have to say something said Jayfeather his chest puffed ouit. "You see there is this prophcy Starcaln gave me it said that out of the darkness, stars will come and get rid of the evil tiger and holly."

StarPaw gasped. What does it mean?

**Not really blessed with daddy's brains, now are you?**

lol I update fast dont i. REVEIW or ill hit over the head with a frying pan! XDD jk

**Funny, I thought threatening your audience with physical assault was amoral and weird to say!**

* * *

Chapter three the Battle 4 the caln

thx jazzie-kun 4 th good review! and stop flmaing the stroy!1 i bet u cant right such a good story!1!1

**Sure. Watch:**

**Starkit bounded over to Jayfeather, a dumb, hideous smile on her face.**

**"Futher, e ned a hug!" She yelled, unable to keep the excitement out of her voice. Jayfeather sniffed, sneering and with thinly veiled disgust sparkling in his blind eyes.**

**"I should have snapped your pathetic neck as soon as Dawnwhateverhernameis gave birth to you. At least your sisters are normal!" He growled**

**See?**

StarPaw walkd over too the appentice's den. Insid she saw her sister's FlamePaw and lakePaw and hr frend JazzPaw (a.n: jazzie-kin ur my bff!) waz slepping on the mos.

**Firstly, why were Starkit's sisters only mentioned now? Were they made apprentices early, or was Starkit held back due to her brain damage? Also, here we go with Jazzie-kun insert, Jazzpaw... joy**

"JazzPaw get up." She cried. JazzPaw opend her brlliaint blu eyes and looked at hr.

"Do yo want 2 go on pattrol wit me?" she asked.

**What Jazzpaw should say is this: "Fuck off, I'm sleeping after doing battle training for most of the morning, and I don't associate with cats who think they can go on patrol without the deputy's permission!"**

"Sure!" Said JazzPaw getten up from the moss. They leavt and went two the entrnse too camp.

**... Jazzpaw, you're making this very difficult for me.**

But then, a cat came in thru the entrnce! It was BlackStar!1!11

"Shadowclan are attaking!" She yelled.

**What a bitch! A leader from another clan who's probably here to discuss something with Firestar comes and she thinks his entire clan is attacking? Maybe they should have held her back a few more moons with that level of stupidity!**

All the cats came out from there dens. She jumped on a cat and clawd him and he ran of.

**Just like that? Damn, what a pussy!**

"Good job StarPaw!" FireStar called, "The last cat i new that culd fiht lik that was SandStrom. Your a good fihter!"

**Damn it all, is Sandstorm dead? If not, why are you talking about your mate is past tense?**

StarPaw was happy. She wus a good fihgter! Maybey this was wat the prophcy meant.

**Haha no**

thnkx and ples no more flams

**(Looks over at whole fanfiction) I make no promises**

* * *

Chapter Three The Traning Under The Star

OMGOSH GUkys im so sorry but SOMEONE glares at rainy days FLAMED ME AND I GOT REALLY HURT. OKKAY IF you dont LIKE thestor y you dont have to readit u know.

**How would we know if we don't like it if we don't read it? And most of the people who reviewed probably wanted the story to be better. Perhaps being less of a bitch would help you see that**

Chapter Three The Traning Under The Stars

Shadowclan run from the camp. StarPaw smiled. Shed one! Noone cod hurt her family now .

**Minus the missiles I'm pointing at their heads right now**

StarPaw!" said FireStar. "Its time we train!" I want to show you how to fight!"

**She just demonstrated a surprising amount of knowledge on how to fight if she fought off an entire clan at the start of her apprenticeship!**

"Ok." Sad StarPaw happl;y. "but yo just saw I culd fight, write?" "Well, ya." said FireStar. "But I wnted tol see if that was all you new."

"Ok." They went to the frost togather and the other cats cleaned jp the bodies. "Ok StarPaw" said Firestar one they got their. "We'll start with how to dog."

**Just bark, run around like a spaz, and get yourself an owner! It's super easy, actually!**

"Cmon thas too easy!" yelled StarPaw. Shed just beat BlackStar she was ready for anything!

"ok Ok" mewled FiresTar, lets learn how to claw an oponit.

**That even even more basically than how to dodge. Way to go, dumass**

"Ya." Yowled Starkit. She jumped at FireStar not Giving hiM time to attakc. "She hit his side he didn't move he was to surprise.d she clawed him and he started bledding.

HEY! No clawing your mentor during battle training! You're wasting herbs, you inconsiderate bitch!

"wow StarPaw" he said ".Your doing awesome." "Really?" gaped StarPaw. She didn't think she was doing that god was she relly special like the porphesy meowed?

Is the prophecy a cat now?

"Yes StarPaw." Snarled Firestar. "I couldnteven get away in fast enough. Only scourg was did that before.,"

**To be fair, if I was defeated that quickly by a kit barely out the nursery, I'd be pretty pissed too.**

"OMGOSH REALLY?" asked StarPaw. Scourg?1? THE SCOURG? She dherad so muchj about him he was really evil and killed alot of cats. "I'M LIKE SCOURG? "I didnt mean it like that" FirePaw sad fastly. "I ment you wer a good fighter. Its really cool."

**How the fuck did Scourge get brought into this conversation?! Unless you're implying Starkit's evil, which would honestly make a much more interesting story!**

At that minute he thought to himself

**Damn, my apprentice is a rude asshole. I should really teach her manners!**

'Starpaws so kawaii look at her eys and her fur.

**Brought to you by Onision**

"Oh ok thanks." They trained floor awhile later StarPaw beat FireStar 8 times once she let him win to make him fel bettar and b y the last one she was alittle tired.

**Oh sure, the six moon old kit had to let the fully trained, battle hardened leader win to make him feel better about himself!**

"Hey FireStar can we hunt now." Said StarPaw. "im kinda hungry."

**Wow, she's even more inconsiderate than I thought! You don't hunt for yourself until the elders, queens, and kits are fight, you rude bitch! It's against your laws!**

"Oh we'll if you want." Firestar was disappointed he and; starPaw had been having so much fun. So they went huntng, StarPaw messed up a couple times but FireStar said it was okaysince it was only her second time (she'd had her first time when she was a littlekit and she and FireStar had snuck out together that's why he chose her as his apprentice_.

**Ohhhh, I think I get it now! Starkit's brain couldn't handle being diddled by great-grandpappy and she turned out like this! Gotcha!**

Later that night StarPaw locked up at the stars. She and Firestar had'd so much fun this day. Theyd brung back enough food for the hole clan.

**HoleClan sounds like a clan that lives in the tunnels. Y'know what, that sounds more interesting than whatever the hell this is!**

Locking upn at the stars she turned to her best friend, JazzPaw, and said, "Do you think well ever be up there."

**No, you'll rot in the Dark Forest.**

"Ya totally." Said JazzPaww. "I mean youll be l,eader and I'll be depudy one day well have too!"

**Tigerstar said that too, and look how he turned out!**

"Ya." Said StarPaw smiling she loved JazzPaw NOT IN THAT WAY U SICKOS!)

**Well I hope not, they're children!**

they were best friends. She loked up at the stars again and smiled and fell asleep wit the Starcaln voices whisper in her head.

**Seek help, Starkit, that's called schizophrenia.**

REVIEW R MY LIFE

**I have never able to decipher this. It's like the Da Vinci code of stupid.**

(lol u like it Jazzy I mead you as kawai as I could(

**And that brings chapter one of my review to an end! Hope you guys enjoyed!**


	2. Diving Deeper into this Garbage

**Decided to do another chapter since this is pretty easy to write and fun! Well, not for my braincells, but sacrifices must be made! Onward!**

Chapter For StarPaws decids

flamrs ur all satanits!11 anyon who dosent like the stro is a staneist cause StarGIPaw has such a strng conecton with sTarcaln and thats why you dot like it, its cause u do ntlik JEZUS!

**Even as an atheist, this pisses me off. No author, your fictional mary sue isn't comparable to Jesus. That's just stupid!**

"StarPaw wok up its tim 4 parole."

**Is she in jail? Because if so, keep her there!**

StarPaw opnd hr brite reinbow eys and locked arund.

**Because OF COURSE she has rainbow eyes! This wouldn't be the most infamous shitfic in the Warriors fandom if she didn't, silly!**

"Omigosh who wus tha!1!1"Sshe yellow.

**Is she a chameleon? How does one yellow?**

"Its me GrayStipe" GrayStrip wisperd in her er. StarPaw gottedup.

"Omigosh Graystip what do u want!1 she yelped GrayStrpe locked at hr. "Wll u be my mat" hE ESked.

**OH GOD, NOT ANOTHER PEDO THAT IS SIX TIMES HER AGE!**

"OMigosh grayStripe thats so nic!" StarKit scremed. "but FireStar alredy esked me."

**When?**

"wel then hes jst an idot."

**Ah yes, because Graystripe would TOTALLY call his best friend and leader an idiot! Oh, sorry, an IDOT, my mistake!**

y do u say tha?" yellED STARPaw GayStrip locked at hr meanly.

**Spelling and grammar ain't rocket science!**

"i dont lik him" sqeakd GrayStripe he locked arund fastly. "hes a mean cat!

"OMIGOSH U MEAN LIKE SCOURG?" STARPAW SHOCKED.

**When the fuck did Scourge enter this conversation? Again, unless you're implying Firestar's evil, he shouldn't even be mentioned!**

"No ur much prtter then sourg" said Graystripe

**Don't feed her ego, Graystripe, she's already arrogant enough!**

he licked her on the head I want u to be my mat." he yeleled.

**What's with the yelling? Do you want the entire clan to know about your sick desires, Graystripe?!**

"Well mabey. but what would FireStar say?" she wispereed. GrayStripe locked around agan. "I dont think he wuld mind." said GraStri;e

**Suuuuuure.**

"OMIGOSH SUR THAN!" StarPaww yelleded happly.

"Wat ar uo ta;kin abut" said FireHert he was walkin up. He locked angrily.

"oh uhhhh nuthin FireStar go back to sleep!" mwled StarPaw hoppin he would leaf so she culd be alon with grayStripe.

**Being alone with a pedophile ain't a situation you want to be in, kiddo**

"Yah FireStra theres nithing to wory about!" cherrid GrayStrpe

**Are you sure about that, Gray boi? Lookin kinda sus...**

but Firestar didn't leave insted he said i thought I herd you asking her to be our mate."

"oh uh yeh. yELLED STARPaw but he didn;t leaf instead he jumped on GrayStripe!1!11

**(Tearfully rips apart old FirexGray fanart)**

"I Want to be wit her!" said FireHart attakin GraySriep.

"No I do!" shouted.

**Who shouted?! Francis from Felidae? Thomas O' Malley? Fritti Tailchaser?**

"guysys stop fihting you can BOTH be my mats! StarPaw wispered

**Translation: Ahaha, don't leave, it's my wet dream to bang two toms at once! You guys are soooo hot!**

**(Facepalms) Oh god, what am I doing with my life?!**

apply like seCert."

**Looks like another DaVinci code, bois! And this is one I don't want to solve!**

"No we can;t do that their can only be 1!11 Howled Firestar. "Otterwies youll chet on us."

**Aren't you two already cheating on your mates? With a molly that is either your great granddaughter or is young enough to be your great granddaughter?**

"So StarGleam, who will u pik?" giggled GayStipe.

**(Falls onto the floor, laughing hysterically)**

**(Hauls self back onto desk after probably breaking my head open) Welp, might as well continue!**

* * *

Chapter Five Untidles

**Untitties? So basically two large caverns where a tit would be and in the center is a nipple... Good god, I hate this, but... the show must go on!**

UR OLL JUST SAINTS

**Why thank you! I try to be as good of a person I can be!**

y cant u just except jEsuss it wold mae ur life so much mor engoyable u would never haf to worr/ again

**Trust me, when I was Christian, and even now, I worried plenty. So much so I developed this thing called "Anxiety." (Not hate to Christians BTW, I'm just debunking this girl's rambling)**

StarPaw sad "I..i….." she was so foncusded!

**Fondue confused? Although to be fair, I'd probably make up words at that point if two pedos were asking if they could marry me at 13 years old**

Thes to cats hard asked her to b there mates an wht was she supops to do?

**Say no**

They we beoth handsome and althing, but bot had matss!

**FINALLY!!! SHE ACKNOWLEDGES THEY HAVE MATES AND KITS!!!**

Nhd she luvved them both! FirstAr wus so kind and he oviusly likked her allot. GayStirpe was so funny and col.

"!" said StarPaw ass she ruan in to the forest.

**(Bursts out laughing again, then slaps herself) NO! Mage, don't crack your skull open again! You need the braincells to get through this slog!**

It wus to muck# she culdnt choss!

**I really hope she wasn't trying to start a hashtag there...**

She run and ran and run til ur paws her hurtinged. Hen she rrellized she corsed the broader. Oih no she thugh Shadowclan will get me.

**Hopefully**

"wut are you ding here?" sd BalkStar s he waked up.

**Yeah, go get her, tiger!**

"I'm sorry!" mewoed StarKit I didn't men too!'

**Surely you would have smelled the racid cat piss that marks the border, right? Surely you aren't THAT much of a dumbass!**

That's ok" sed blackStar. "no wons perfeck.""no that's not true." Said StarPaw, offed.

**"I'm fucking perfect, bitch!"**

"StarClan is.""Waht do you mena?" wemed BlackStar.

"well the give us all this halpand stuff" said Starpaw. "without them we wold be lust." She said.

\

**To be fair, you guys still fuck a lot, even with StarClan**

"I gess that's ter " balkcStar said, "besid I didn't relly mean that neway.

"o really why?" said starpaw. "becus yo are."

**OH GOD, WHY?!?!**

'WHAT' YOWLED sTarpaw jumping away BlackkStarTried to nugle her. "WHAT ARE O TRIG TO DO MOLE STRAEP ME?1?"

**Yes, but weren't Graystripe and Firestar trying do that as well?**

"e—" BlakStar started too expaln, but, StarPw wass to quick

"no" she Sid "I don't doned another tom after me!" "I got enog porbelms arigt now anywy!

**To be fair, having three pedos on your tail as a teen isn't a good situation**

"but yor pahfect." Said Blackstar. "you betted me in badle you HAVE TO BE "

"NO!" shitted

**(Dies of laughter once more)**

SarPaw Again runnin into the forst. Ters ralled down her checks she was cyring. 'its too much" sahe though. "Starcalnb help me….!"

**StarClan: Sorry, hon, we're playing a riveting game of poker right now, so you can help yourself**

* * *

Chapter Six Desions,

STUP GLAMING!11! IF YOU'R AN FLAM,E YOUR A STNITS AND WIL BUN IN HEIKL!

**Want people to be so afraid of leaving a bad review on your shitty fanfic that they won't even bother? Just threaten eternal hellfire and torment if they do so, easy!**

LASTEST TIEM ON STARKITS PROPEHY:;

**I would complain, but I really wouldn't be surprised if this was approved for T.V.**

"NO!" shitted SarPaw Again runnin into the forst. Ters ralled down her checks she was cyring. 'its too much" sahe though. "Starcalnb help me….!"

Afert tat StrPaw walkde thru the frost. She wus so depresedded! Hu was seh sapost to pik?/?/

**None, perhaps?**

Then she saw JayFethre cumin thru the forst tords her.

**BAD JAYFEATHER! WE DON'T NEED ANOTHER PEDO. MUCH LESS HER FATHER, ON THIS YOUNG LADY'S ASS!!!**

"JayFeathr im soooo confusedd wat do i do she yelled their are three toms atref me! TREEE!"!

**Jayfeather: Yes, daughter, that's a tree. Try not to run into anymore of them, okay?**

i know" sed jayFethr he locked happy. "thats good four you it menzz that p[eo[le like uo. he told he smilling.

**No, that mean call the kitty police.**

"NO NUT I LUV ALL OF THEM" sed StarPaw back waling upst. "I DON'T KNO WHO TO [ICK!1!1"

**You just met Blackstar!**

"wel ten let me tel yo a stor.y said JayFeathern and he sat don. Onceu pon a tiem there were afew cats that I licked."

**Man, Jay, you're a real pervert!**

"hu where they sad StarPaw snifing.

"theyre names were DawnSpark;e and... Stick/ saud JayFeather.

**What about Half Moon or Brairlight?**

"OMG STICK wispred StarPaw "YOU WHERE IN LUV WITH A STICK? She culdnt belief it. After al this tim she finds out that her fathe loved a sTICK. SHE GAPD IN SHOC.

"Wat did you do? she esked thoug cuase she was crios.

Wel I culdn have kids with a stcik now culd i?" said JayPaw and he locked confuded. LIKE HE DIDN;T EVN KNO SHE WAS GNNA ASK THt qestn.

"sO YOU WENT WITH DAWNSPARKLE INSTD! YELLED STARpaw locking vry happi.

**If my dad sat me down one day and told me the reason me and my brother were birthed was because he couldn't have children with a stick, I would be very upset and likely punch his face**

"but that doesn;t help me what am I spost to do?/?

"Folo youre hart said Jayfeahr. "Who do yo want to be wit/"

Hmm StarPaw taught for a secund.

**If she ever became a teacher,t hat's about how long I'd expect her to last**

FireStar!" she yelldd and then run of to tel him that she ;oved him

**Of course. Now, let me go get something real quick...**

***Sweet Home Alabama plays on a record player***

NO FLAMSE!1!12!1\

**No promises**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to review three chapters today instead of four, but fear not, I will review five chapters next time make up for my laziness!


	3. Hollyleaf and Tigger vs Starshit

Chapter Ate The Serimmony 1

**Well, maybe if it ate the "serimony", we can skip it**

STOP REVOFIGN BAD! but than u JASZpAW for tehh godo revewis uve ben levving

**I get the feeling Jazzie here is being held captive and is only allowed to have food and water if she left good reviews**

StarPaw skided into de Camp. "FIRSTAR" SHE YOWLED "I ha to tel; uo somesting?"

"nut ow StarOaw" he sadi "yuve gut to become WARRIOR!'

**NOT ALREADY!!!**

"MOGOSH REALLY creamed StarPaw.

**Heh heh... creamed...**

YEAH SAID firestar "Youv been a war for onll 3.14 dayss

**So... she's been taught jackshit but she's going to be made a warrior?**

butt u are the best apent ice in the cAlan. Ur perfect.

**I highly doubt that**

We ndd you to help dfeat BlackStar and ShadowclaN. And all teh other calns. Tehy are tyring 2 attack us were in the meddle of a warr. "

**Oh, great going, Starkit! Now Blackstar started a war over that underage pussy!**

"omgosh WE ARE?" scremmed StarPal she sus so surpissed!

**I'd be pissed too if a pedo launched a war on my country because he wants that ass**

"Ya DustPelt did while U were away in your walk Rivrclan attacked us." Said SandTrom.

**Ah yeah, causally mention that your best friend is dead. Such character, Sandy!**

She locked sortaf sad she New FireStart lovved Stargleam. But it wass ok she newt wht wus best.

**How about no?**

***Story ends***

***Sigh* I wish it was that easy...**

"OMGoht" sid StarPaw. "Quickk mack me a warrror!"

**This is the one of the two lines I repeat on a daily basis**

"Oak" said Firestar. He wlaked up to StarPaw. "aLL Cats Gather Round Who Are Older To Cach There One Prey!"

"Tday we are making a new Warrior."

The calnn GASPED!

**ThunderClan: Firestar, are you nuts?! She's barely had any training!**

**Firestar: Silence, mortals. If she's an apprentice, then I can't fuck her without feeling guilty!**

"SarkPaw! StarPaw!: shouted the clan. They all new infancy it was she whom was beng mad a warrior.

Starpaw was so exited! She'd never bin so hap inner life!

"StarPaw….." said FirePaw. He was simile like shed never sent him simle behfore. "Are you ready to become a Warrior in the Name of Starcaln?:"

"Yes!" she shock3d.

"oak." Eh sad. "Then by the powers of Starclan, I gave you this narme. From now on, you will be none as StarPaw

**Hell yeah! He trolled her!**

for your pel which sings like the starss and ur conectin 2 StarClann. We onner you'r bravvery and" " kindness."

**One thing I find hilarious about this story is that kindness is in quotation marks, meaning she's actually a huge jackass but since she's the resident Mary Sue, they all have to suck her non-existent dick**

"SarkPaw! StarPaw!: shouted the clan. They

StarGleam girned. She wass a Warrior! At least!"

"FireScar," she said, cuming over 2 him.

**Control your libdo, Starkit!**

"I wanna tell u somesing." They locked sirously at him.

**Oh god...**

"yeah wat is it?" he sad, hop shinning in his eayres.

Dos he knew? StarGlema think.

"Firestar…." She brethed. She cullednt she was actually dong this after so lung.

**Line?**

"I….."

**JUST FUCKING SPIT IT OUT!**

WINDCLAN ATTAK! Shioted a voise from obove the Camp.

**Thank you, Onestar! This might just be the one time I'll actually take back a third of theshit I've said about you!**

It was….

HOLYLEAF!

**Oh god, here we go with the Hollyleaf bashing**

**Now, look, she was annoying in PO3, but I seriously doubt she was intended to be a villain. This is just stupid, especially since this apparently takes place after Sunrise and Hollyleaf felt awful about what she did after nearly getting buried alive**

I workd reall' herd on dis chapter n tired 2 spell good

**Really? Was this your hardest work?**

so plzz review NICE!

**No**

* * *

Chatter NEIN

**As someone learning German, this is hilarious. I wonder if the author was secretly German and is just absolutely horrible at English**

Teh Evil Tigger and holY

I SAID NO FLAMES! YOUR JUST JELOS YOUR GOING 2 HEL LJESS IS OYUR SAVER

**Hehehe, I'm in danger**

"Ohno its HolyLeaf!" yelled FireStra he ranned away. SandStrom wnet aftre him.

Damn, Firestar! You're a pussy ON TOP of being a pedo!

StarGlaem locked up. HolyLeaf was stnding their and their was anodder chat with hr.

"OMIGOSH ITS TIGGERSTAR!" she hossed. "WHTA WIL WE DO!"

**"I drove all the way from the hundred acre forest with a cat presumed dead with a criminal record to beat your ass!"**

"we figt." saud Jayfeathre and he ran at HollyLeaf.

**Because medicine cats TOTALLY fight!**

StarGlema washed as HolyLefa locked at JayFather and kiled him with one shot.

**Because Hollyleaf would TOTALLY kill her brother with no remorse!**

"YOU KILDED MY FTHER!

**Another line I repeat on the daily**

she yelled and she attcked HolyLeaf. HollyPaw gut out of the way and StarPaw attaked TiggerSar.

"U killed TigerStra!" uelled FiresStar he locked happy. "You are speshil!"

**So? Scourge was a midget, and he fuckin WRECKED Tigerstar's shit. Oh, wait, sorry, Stargleam would kick my ass if I compared her to Scourge.**

StarGleam was sooo happy, she didng notse as HollyLea grabbed Firestar and took him way.

**Way to go, dumbass. Your leader has been kidnapped and you didn't even notice!**

"OH NO" yelled StarKit. "WE HAVE TO SAVE HIM!

**No shit, sherlock**

a cilf hunger1!111! see im a god riter i no what thta id thx f4r the good revweiws JzzPaw && everon else WHOSE NIT A FALMER

**It was a pretty shit cliff hanger tho...**

* * *

Chapter Ten The Recluse

"EVERONE FALLOW ME" meowled StarPleam as see charred for th3 entranse to eh camp. Tares stremmed down her face1 she wuss so sad her fahter had deid her leader was gunn. "FLAMEPAW LAKEPAW DUSTPELT

**A corpse fighting? Well, it sounds terrifying but maybe they need a zombie to push back Hollyleaf... though if I know Starkit, she'll just drag around Dustpelt's bloated corspe while it does nothing**

MOM LOINBLAZE FALLOW ME." She said. "I NEDD A PAROL."

**No, you deserve a life sentece**

The run into the frost their pass working fastly. She wood kill HolyLeaf and TigerSar for what thed don!

**You already killed Tigerstar though, unless the author retconned that for more drama.**

She batlecried using his nose to tar down the evill cats.

**Starkit, nasally with nose plugged: I'll get you, Hollyleaf! You'll pay for what youve done!**

**Hollyleaf: ... am I supposed to be scared of her?**

Her heat burneded!

**That's called your first heat, kitty. Get used to it, you mollies go through it every spring.**

Sune they had funded them. They were hidnig bwhind a bolder.

**Damn it, Hollyleaf! You were supposed to be the hero and save this story by killing Stargleam, yet you pick an obvious hiding spot!**

"HAHAHAH" LAUGHED HOLylesf putting er claw on FiresTarS thort. "IVE GOT YOU KNOW!"

StarGleam gasped. "noooooo Fireheat!" she scemmed "FalmePawgo!" she said.

**Boy, these new pokemon have terrible names!**

Flamepaw hurled at HolyLeaf. Hollyleaf laked at her in suprise. "What how could they have fallowd me."

**Probably because you picked the most obvious spot ever to hide**

She dogged at Flamepaw her blue eys fallshig

**Hollyleaf: Barks and snarls like a crazed dog**

**Flamepaw: The fuck?**

"NO FLAMEPAW" whaled LakePaw seing her sisters about too die. "I LOVE YOU FALMEPAW." She yowled jumping herself in front of HOlyLeaf.

HollyLaffs paw cutt into hir throt blood came out LakePaw felt down.

***Yawns* Excuses me while I go take a steaming shit so I can avoid this "drama"**

***Gets up and goes to the bathroom***

"NOOOO!1!11" StarPaw screamed. "FLAMEAPWWW!"

***Still in the bathroom* Lakepaw was injured, not her.**

She ran for HoltLeaf but it wass no us. LakPaw was dyeing. "I lofe you StarGleam." She wisperd before er blue I's cosed.

"NO WAKE UP LAKEPOOL" shoited Stargleam-she was so sad and depersed she was cyring!

***Diarrhea noises* This is how I feel about this scene.**

"hahaha" laughed HollyLeaf evil. "u just dunt gedot d o you Im one of teh Tree!

***Still in the bathroom* Looks like the author didn't read Sunrise all the way through! If she did, she would know Hollyleaf isn't one of the three.**

***Flushes toilet, washes hands, and comes back***

**Alright then.**

I have pows beyound ur emaginating!" nd then…. She turned in…. A BARE!

**HOLLYLEAF! THERE ARE CHILDREN HERE!**

"Gasped" gasped everyone. It was a bare!

**Yes, we get that**

"IM A SHAPSHITTER!" siad Hollylea joyly.

***Laughes so hard I fall onto the floor, then pull myself back up***

"stargleam." Said FalmePaw cryingly. "I nedd to go back 2 the damp. I goat bury laekpaw. Ive neverbeen out of camp before how do you get back!"\

**You've been an apprentice longer than her, you should know your way back by now.**

"U ju wak to te the est. said StarPaw."

**VERY speific directions there, Starshit, well done!**

Thaks said FlamePaw crying she piced up the LakePaw and putter on her back and run.

"nut so fast!" said Holyleaf!

***In an infomerical voice* Do you want to nut so fast your sperm can't catch up with the thick, creamy rope of jizz? Then call 1-800-yeah-this-is-a-scam-fuck-you to learn how!**

"Your not gunna get away that easly!" Wit a rar like an volcano erection she jumped at StarGlaem!

**OH GOD, COVER YOUR EYES, CHILDREN, THIS IS ABOUT TO TURN INTO HARD-CORE PORN!**

Everone! Gasped! "NOOOO." Yowled STarGleam as sumething lung and sarp pluned into her bk. "YOU CANT GET ME THAT EASLY."

**It pierced your back. You're suppsed to be dead now.**

Everyone jumped at the HoBare! The bare rared in pane! Starepaw sent her teeth into its for. It rared.

**Yes, please repeated how it "rared"**

"oak oka" HolyLeafthe bare said. "i no know Your not guna be bettin that esliay." Suddenly she was a cat1 then her body dropped her eyes went drka she was on the grund. Suddly ther wass howl from the other side of the froste. It was LaFlamePaw!

**Ooo, Flamepaw's French!**

"LAKEPAW UR BACK!" SHE SAD

**Why are you sad?! You're sister came back from the dead!**

WHT SAID SPARGLAME. Thenshe locked. It was LakePool! She was runnin tord the forest starGleam was so appy. Then she sawyer eyes.

….

THEY WERE OLLYLEAFS!

**DUN DUN DUN!!!!**

the next chatter wil coke soon! AND STUP FLAMMING YOU HAETRS. YOU JUST DONT BELVE IN GOOD.

I don't believe in god, but I do believe in good

* * *

Catter 1 The Fiht Aganst the Sitters 1

"Oh nose!" yellded StarPaw she wus so horrorifed. "LakePaool is buck and seh is NUT OKA!"

"Of coarse im not okay!" LakeFall screchemd loadly she issed at StarGlame. "I'm being posesd by HolyLeaf wut do you THINK!"

**Weirdly enough, I don't thin possessed people would say that!**

she yelddl and hulrd hesselv at StarPaw. StarGlme was so surpissed she culdn;t mofe

**Move, you aimless oaf!**

Then... "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" It was...

**Varjak Paw! With his power froms The Way, he slices her in half and ends this godforsaken story!**

REDPAW! Redpaw runnth over to StarPaw and jumped in font of herr and LakePolawm hit her insta.

"Nuu Redpaw!" chked StarGlamea and she locked at RedPaw. "RedOaw are yu okayo?" she esked upsed. RedPaw cughed. "No im not but at leaat I sawed yuour lif! she sed and then he did.

**And I should care why?**

StarFlame locked at RedPaw she wus so buttifly then StarGleam shock her hud. "No Im STRREET!" she taught madly.

**Those poor, abused students. Why does their teacher have to be homophobic and tells them constantly that she's straight?**

"but now what do we dao agant LakePaw!" she lucked up. LakePaw was runnen toward Loinblzx and she was WIDESPED!

**What in the what now? Look, I can translate bad spelling and grammar from a lot of shitty fanfics, but even I don't know what happened here! It has ascended the fourth dimension of stuidity!**

"NOWWWWWWW LIonHEAR!" wisprd StarGalem and she ran towed LionBlaze and she hit LakePaw, who did to.

"StarGlame I will get u for thiss11 sed LakePaw as SatinClaw drag away to hellClan.

**That would be the Dark Forest. Get your lore straight.**

He waswerng oink naie Polish.

**Piggy pink nail polish?**

then StarGlame stinted to crry as she realed that her sitter ass ded.

**That's right, her sitter's ass was dead!**

"you killd my Subjt!" HolyLeaf rared turng back in a bare.

**Oh great, ShittyVillain!Hollyleaf is back.**

"Ilus get you for thi!" she saud and then she rudhed at StarPlame. "Oh o!" yelld every1 "tarPaw got our of the Way!"

Tim semd to slow danw as StarPawlem run awy from the bare. But she ran left into... TIGGERSTAR!"

"Fuhrstar! yellded a TiggerStraw. "You ar gong to did now!" And he held out... SOME JEW!

**I KNEW IT! TIGERSTAR REALLY IS KITTY HITLER!**

"Omg jyew!" elld FamePaw she locked at the yew. "But it wooden work becas thers a lizded on it." They all locked at the lizard. It wus a newt. The nwt ran away.

"... NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled FamePaw. "Now the yew is gunna wkr!

**And the point of that was?**

"Ete the yew!" sadi TiggerStar he thirst it at StarGlame StarGleam baked away. "You're never get moi to ete it!"

**You're too horribly written to be French**

she esked and then she held "YOUE NEVER TOOK ME ALIV!"

**Tigerstar: Alright, I'll take you dead then *cocks gun***

"are you so sur?" aksed TigerClar and then he lung at StarGlema and grabed her and ran away. "Youl never cathg me!1111 he laght meanly. "Im gong to Shadowcaln!" And then he luf.

**Villian 101: DON'T FUCKING ANNOUCE WHERE YOU'RE GOING TO YOUR ENEMIES!!!**

Guyx I ben working relly hard on this wile I was gon. im sor'ry for the wait. Revew betetr and ill updat mor quick

* * *

Cahpter 12 The Sark Forest

"NO!" yewled StarKit. She run after TigerClaw. but he was to fat.

**As yes, because being fat makes you a good runner!**

She cudlnt catch up. Finly she stoped. She was so tried so sad, Teres begun to role down her face: her sitser was deed and tigerstar had ExcapeD!

"y am I so ulsess?/?/' she dsked.

**Good question.**

"why couldnt i kill her?" "its not opur falt. Sadi a voice from bedide her. "WHAT WHOSE THEIR" SHE SAID JUMPED.

It juts me. " said JayWing waking to bedside her. "Yo couldt kill im becas u're nut dead." "what" said StarGleam "What dlo you men."

**Again, you're very stupid. And didn't Jayfeather die?**

"hes in the Dakr Froset!" said JayFeather. "hess allready ded!" oh no what do I do thouth starGeam.

"we can go to teh Dark Forste but its ver danger." Mewled Jayfeater. "tack me their!" sad StarGleam

She slepped and then they were in the Fark Forest. It was dark.

**No shit**

Here was no mono 2 lighte the way and it wass heard to see. They herd voices! It wass TiggerStar!

"ok tjen well kell her ND invade Thundercaln" he was said. "WHAT NOO!" said StarPaw she jumped at him. she was aboot to hit him when BlackStripe was there!

**Darkstripe?**

"TIGERSAR WATCH OUT" said BlackStrip. TierStar loocked at her and he clawed her. It wasnt fare!

**Life ain't fair, kiddo**

StarGleam fell to the ground blood was cuming from a wand on her sholder.

**Did Harry Potter get so fed up with My Immortal that he went to another shitty fanfic and stab the mary sue there to let out his anger?**

It was a lot of red blod. HawekFrost Looked at her. She was so buetiful so kawai, he was thought just like FirStar. He loved her. He had to save her.

**OH GOD, WHY?? HE'S THREE TIMES HER AGE AND DEAD!!!**

He jumped in TiggerStar! He bit him! But it wa s to lat. StarPaw was dyeing. "it was turning balkc. "I love you seh said as she did.

**Love who? Hawkfrost? You've only seen him for a minute!**

AND THEN STARGLEAM WAS DIED!11!111!11111!1!11!

**I would celebrate, but I know there's more. Anyways, have a good day!**


	4. THE TEN COMMANDMENTS!!1!1

Cahpter 13 The Metang wit Sartcaln  
"Omigish what happnd! shrekd StarPaw. She looked arung. "am I in Starclan?" she eskes when she say the cats that she new.

**No shit, you died! Even if you belong in the dark forest, I know this story won't send you there!**

"No of cours not your in the Daek Forest!" gagged a gray he-cat.

**R-really? HOORAY! *Throws confetti in the air***

StarGlame locked around windly for TiggerStar but she culd;nt sea him. "Yes your in SatrCaln! said the she-ca. It was YellowFang. "Wher else wood you be?"

**GODDAMNIT!**

"Yuo dont need to be so red! said StarGlame she was mad."

**No shit, sherlock!**

sorry said YelllowFang but that made me made."

"its ok" said StarGleam. "but i was in the sark forest so...HOW DID I DYE?

**Can she not remember that Tigerstar bitch slapped her to death?**

"TigerStra killed you" said BlueeStar cumin over to her. "he can send cats to starcaln even from the drk Foret"

**Wait, I just realized, how come she went to StarClan? Why didn't she get the Antpelt treatment and reside in the Dark Forest now?**

"Wait so then I'm died?" StarGlame. "What do i do no? I cant safve the frost like this!"

**You weren't supposed to save them though, you were supposed to destroy them!**

"That why we aer gong to send you bak to Thnduer clan!" saud WhitStrip.

**Why not Swiftpaw? Or Snowkit? Or Mosskit, Blossomkit,Stonefur, ANY other cat??? Why the damn mary sue?**

"But we also have somsing very imptent to tell you first."

**"There's an imp that travels with a tent terrorizing ThunderClan. Watch out, he bites, and only fire can kill him."**

"Omg what is it" lauged StarPaw she stinted to jump up and down with joe." "I wnat to knew"

**Who the flying tits is Joe??? Is he Jake's boring brother?**

"wel their are ten thigs we ned to give you before you goe" said LeafPool and she gave StarGlame 2 rocks with writting on them.

**Oh no...**

"their the ten commons!"

**No no no no no no no-**

"OMG THE TEN COMMONDENTS" squelled StarGleam and she was so exited. "I GET TO HAVE TEN COMMNDMENTS?"

**GOD DAMN IT!!!**

"Ya" said BleuStar "we need to give them to the calns but they wont liten. Thats why we nedd you to do it four us!"

**Lazy pricks**

"Okay" said StarGlame and she left Starclan talking the rocks with her.

...

Chapter Fortene The Ten Commdaments  
Stargalme come down in2 thunderclaln camp. It was dark. Their were no cats otusdie. "SLL CATS GATER" she sadi. They cats gatehred.

**Who died and made her leader?**

"I have Tebn Conmondants frum Starclam/"

**You're getting mythos mixed up. These are clans of feral cats, not humans. Unless they're anthro, they probably shouldn't worship the Christian mythos**

she said. The cats gapsed. The started to mummur. "be quite" starGleam sad. Tehy were quite.

**"Have an orgy"**

***They have an orgy.***

***Starkit spreads her legs* Fuck yeah, a show!**

***Groans, head in hands* Why must I do this to myself...**

"here she said pushing th3 roks foreword. "Loack at the them. Yu must fallow these commodents fur your hole lifes if you wnt to ge5t into Starcan." She said. They loked at the roxk.

"1. thou shat not belive in other goIncesters

**I SURE HOPE YOU GUYS DON'T WORSHIP PEOPLE WHO COMMIT SWEET HOME ALABAMA!**

2\. Dont make any picturs of anyhing and warhip them. If ou do ai will punsch you an ur grankits.

**What about your kits? Do they skip out on any punishment? Why do the grandkits get punished then?**

4\. don't say Starcclan in vane.

**STARCCLAN, MOTHERFUCKER!!!**

***Gets struck by lightning, burnt to a crisp***

**Yeah I probably deserve that**

5\. Work for 6 days and worshipe me on 1.

**Worship who, Starkit? Because send me to the Dark Forest or whatever, 'cause there's no way in hell I'm worshipping that prick!**

6\. Repsect our mom and dad.

**Who's mom and dad again?**

7\. Dont kill otters unless in batl.e

**Who wants to kill otters?!**

8\. don't br unfateful to our mat.

**Yeah! It works real hard to keep dirt from your shoes in one place, yet you ungrateful brats don't wipe your nasty feet onto it like intended! What wastes of life!**

9/ Dotn steel things from he other cland.

10\. Dnt lie aboot yiour nieborgh.

10\. Don't be jelos og your neiborgh.

**Why the second ten?**

11\. No BENG GAY!f

**Ah, here we go. The worst part of the story.**

**First, that's eleven commandments, ignoring the second ten. Therefore, it's not the ten comandments.**

**Second, people can't help being gay, pal. It's natural and if try to squash it down, you'll be miserable. A note, I recent review I got on Warriors: Falsettos basically said that I ruined Crowfeather and Brambleclaw because I made them gay and made them act more like Whizzer and Marvin from Falsettos. Take that how you will**

**Third, didn't Jesus say love thy neighbor and don't judge? Therefore, you must love thy neighbor even though they're LGBTQ and not judge them.**

**Rant over**

The cat GAPSED. "Im sorry" said DaysPow. "ive ben a sinner. Ill do better next time!"

**Who's Daisypaw again?**

Al the cats agred. StarPaw was happy! Teh were aon the write pat! If hey fallowed Sartclan thay woud neber go wong!

**Sure**

But suddenly she saw somesting! It was….. REdpaw and LakePaool KISSING

**AH YEAH, THE REBEL GIRLFRIENDS WE ALL KNOW AND LOVE!!!**

...

Cohpter Fiften THE TURTH  
StarGlam marced ofer too RedPaw and LakePaw she looked angrily. "WhT DID I JUTS SAY?/" she esked. "The elfenth commonment is NO BEING GAY!11

**Redpaw staresd the purple cat in the eyes and growled, eyes narrowed, "Who died and made you leader? Besides, wasn't it TEN comandments?"**

**Lakepaw nodded.**

**"I-I'm sorry, Starry, but I love her too much to give her up..."  
**

**Starkit's eyes widened. How dare they disobey the ten comandments?!**

"But I love her!1" said LakePol.(a/n. EW!11 THIS IS DIGUSTING)

**Homophobic prick**

"But its agant the ten commdnents!" saud StarPaw. She wanet over and thurst herslef betwen them. "Do you WANT to go the dark foret?"

"Yes?" ansed RedPaw.

**Very good answer there, Redpaw. Papa Mage would be proud**

"No you dont" said StarGleam "it'sa relly horribld place." I kno, Ive been their!"

**You were there for a minute and got beat up. You're just a wimp**

Were sory said RedPaw and lakePolw. They locked sadly. "We wont do it agan."

"I hope not" said StarGlame turng around and walkin back to FireStar.

**I imagine Redpaw and Lakepaw continue making out when Starkit's back is turned.**

"We have to show this to the rets off the calns.

**No, it'll burn their eyes and fry their brains**

"ok said FireStar" "we should go to the Gathern."

"If we go to the Gathern then I can shoe off the commendments to the other claans1" gagged StarGlame happ;y. "Cmon lets go!" She ran of not wating fro any other cat and then she was at the Gathern!

**Again, why are you acting as if you're leader?**

"ATENSION ALL CATS" she yelled lepping to the HighRock. ?"I NEDD YOU'RE ATTENSION I HAVE AN ANNOUNCER"

Annoucer: This story is shit and Starkit is a mary sue. Thank you

"Omg what is it!11!1" shocked MitsyFoot. "Is it imptent!"

**Oh, looks like the imp in a tent is terrorizing RiverClan as well!**

"Yes of cors its imptent!111!1"! yellded StarGleam "or else I wuldnt be hear!" "I have the ten Commandmeonts and you need to kno what they ar!" She red the ten commons ot to the other calns and theny all bowed down to her. Thank you for teling use SarkGleam they said happly." "We sont sin again!"

**Ugh... I can feel my braincells screaming in agony as this continues...**

"God"

**Funny thing is, Starkit seems to think she is god**

said StarGleam she jumped form the HighRoke. She saw FireStar cumin threw the crowed towed jer. "StarGlame you are a much beter cat then me at this1 you should be letter.

**HOLY- I WAS JOKING EARILIER ABOUT HER BEING LEADER, OH GOD-**

Im not deid so ill go join the eldlers insted!" he said and he tuched his noise to StarGleams. "You have to go to the MonStone today to go get your nien lives. Ill go with you and so will JayFather."

"Kawaii"

**Dear diary... WHYYYYYYYYYYY**

**Sorry, force of habit**

said StarGlema happly. They left the Gathern and all the cats were cherring for her,

**Why? She's not dictator!**

So hod u guys lik eit?

**It was dogshit**

it wass so didsuting 2 rite the gya part.

**Shut up and please never write LGBTQ hate ever again.**

HBut thigs are guna be better no inteh clams! Also if ur a bad reveiwer u dont belive in Gosh ull go 2 hekc. thx guys for the god reveis. !


	5. Starstar gets nine lives, I guess

Chaper Sixteen The Nane Lifes

But suddenly as SatyrGleam was leafing theri was a nose from the bushs

**A nose poked out of the bushes, sniffing furiously at the air. Stargleam stared at it with a bewildered expression.  
“The flying fuck?” She said to no one in particular**

and Shadwclan spring out!2! their was TailPoppy LittleCold,

**Oh dear, looks like Littlecloud gained his mentor’s famous cold**

RedStrom OwlPad SchorcWind (there from the Alliances I mad them warrior they don apear in the books)

**They did appear, but you horribly butchered their names**

and CeaderGeart, and Twanypelt & RustFur, all of BlacStars bets warriors. StarGleams malting orange swammed with suprise.

**Damnit, author, she had RAINBOW eyes! Why should we take your story seriously if you can’t even remember your main character’s eye color?!**

What ere they going t do? "StarGlaw" said Blackstar sadly. "U cant becomed leader then it will be inblossble for us to have kitsss!" jhe said.

**It’s impossible anyways Blackstar. And it’s pedophilia!**

"Ive got to do BlackSrar its my detsiny." You cant fihtg feat.'

"No!" he meowled. "I don't want to loose you!"

**What’s that in the distance? Is that... a red flag?**

"Its oky" sad FireHeart he was called that new sinch he wasnt ladder, he hadnt leafed yeat. "Ya" sad GaryStripe "we lofe her to"

**Not this again!**

"ok" sad BlackStar sadly. They wacked away.

**Fucking hell, circle jerk in private, you pervs!**

StarGlem was glad, she had anew love. Se didnot want 2 dell with this wright now.

**Man, Starkit jumped on the Hawky boi dick after a minute of meeting him!**

StarGleam mead LoinBalze her depudy he take the clkan back to camp.

**Weren’t you guys at the moonpool?**

Her and JayFeather and FireStar walked to the MoonPool. "I cant belive it sadi StrGleam.

**Me neither**

"I can." Said JayFeater he was smelling StarPaw

***Gags* JAYFEATHER, YOU’RE HER DAMN DAD!!!**

almots gasped shed never seen her father smiel befour! "Your a grate leddar StarGleam ive always none since the first day I saw yo."

**I thought you would have been receiving her prophecy instead of staring at your kits**

"Relly." She aksed. "Relay," he said. She smiled to for teh firts time in a log time she was really happy! Shed had someny toms chating after her but now this would be Oka!

**Yeah right**

They were closed to the MoonSnot now.

**Awh shit, the moonpool got Runningnose’s cold too!**

StarGleam was startig to gut a litel nervis. Wha if starClan didnt like her?

**Trust me, they like you. Why else would they send you back to the living world when they could send back any number of kits that died?**

They went ot the MoonPolo. It was a shinny; rotund poll. StarGlean had never sen enythin so buetifly inner life befor. "im so produ of you," said FireTar his gaze tinkling. StarGleap purSmiled and liked the warter.

**Starkit, why are you slamming the clam to shiny water?**

It was dark! StarGel am opened erh eyes and she was in a froset. Then there weas lots of stars. 'like me' she thoguth lokoing at the star in her foreheed.

**HOW TO FUCK CAN YOU LOOK AT YOUR FOREHEAD???**

Then they shinned brighter and there were cats! lost of cats and they were ver starry. Starclab!1!11!

**StarClan has been killed and is now replaced by Bargain Bin StarClan, StarClab**

"Are ou reedy" shouted on of them frob the front. "yes sad starKit whe was turbling with exitmente!

"ong of them came up. It was a blue cat. 'Bullstar' wispered StarGleam ahstruck.

**Who the hell is that?**

"With this live I gave you liedership said BleuStar

**“Basically all you need” Bluestar added, then clapped her paws. “Alright, ceremony over”**

puttinger noise to StarGleams. It hurtd!

**No shit.**

BlueStar wakled away StarGleam wandered ho muck more of this she cold tack it hurt so much she terbled.

"With this life I give you corrage" said YellowFag storling up to StarPleam. It hurted like neddles!1

BambleCalw came nex. He put his mose on StarGleam's forehed. It hurt lick TiggerSTars class!

**“Now class, this is how to be the next kitty Hitler”**

WithStorm stambled over next. "Woth this lift. I give you strenth. Us it well to pertect your clan."

LeaveWind cam on to her.

**Who’s that again?**

"Wit this life i give u nolledge." It hurt like fier!1

She god a liff rom BundleFace form motherlinest a life from TailStar for qiickness, & a life for StoneFur for bravvery. She was shacking she didn nok if she cold mack it!

And then… frorm the cord…. came…. A LINO!1!11!1

SatrGleam GASP! "This is ThunderStar" mowed TallStar. He was the first ledder of Thunerclan! OR it was called LoinClan."

**Looks like he is a distant ancestor to Lionblaze. Also, Thunderstar was a cat, not a lion. Get your lore right if you’re going to write a warrior cats fanfic!**

StarPaw coudnt breath? She was so exited and so onered! "I cat beliv its relly you ThungerStar she said in ah. "Its meh" said the lion. He toched his mastiff nose

**He has the nose of a dog?**

to her nose and the pan was worst than ever befor! StarGleam thougth she would de!

**I wish...**

"With his life I give o HEAR.

**The fuck is that?**

You have a realy strong heat bfour but is even stornger now,

**“Due to you constantly being horny, you’re always in a state of heat.”**

thank you for giving comandaments to the Calns. Wath would Starclan doo witouth you

**IDK, play poker I guess**

Now I will giv you a namr."

"Wat!" shotud StarGleam ass he opened his moth. "I donk want my bame to be StarStar that would be stuped! I want to be called GleamStsr!"

**“Nope.” Thunderstar said, shaking his head, “Your mother was stupid enough to name you a leader’s title, so you shall be known as Starstar. G’day, bitch” *Leaves***

"Fery well" said LionStar doping his head he wold lisent to StarGkeam she was specal.

**I want to throw up**

I now pronunce you….. GLEAMSTAR!'

**I like to imagine Loinstar screaming her name into the void.**

Butt as the cats begun to cherr, there was a dankness! The darknest swolled everything! She could small BLODO!

**Oh wow, how scary. You can tell how scared I am by the sheer boredom in my voice.**

Suddenly TigerStar and HolyLeaf were there! In her vishon!

**What, were they in your eyeballs before the vision???**

She sa them tacking over the clans and ther was an arm of rogues and cats were deing! And suddenly … … their was a cat suruonded by a godlen lite!1!1! It was… HACKFROST! He made all the bad stuff disapare.

**My my, how descriptive!**

"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!11!1!1!11!" yelled StarGleamStar walking up.

**Is Gleamstar turning into a cow or something?**

She juts culdnt be in loe with HawkForest she just could!11!1!11!

**You’re right, but I know you’ll ignore that since you’re the resident mary-sue!**

...

Chapter 17 Returnr

StarGleam shock her head waling up from the derm. FireStar was looking at her and his gren eys where sorrid.

**So he was staring at her all night... Creepy!**

"GlaeStar you were takling in yuour slept are you ok?" he asked. JayFeather looked upsid to.

"Yeah yeah Im fin" StarGleam reponded gettin up. "I just had a badd dream thass all." "It's nothen."

**You getting your nine lives aren’t nothing!**

"If your sur." Said FireStrar and they left the MonoPool and headed back too the Thundercaln camp.

**What, did they teleport over?**

"GleamStar your back!" they said happy, crowding all over her. LakePaw and RedPaw looked sad thou, becas GleamStarg has sad they cant be in luv.

**Fuck her, guys! She’s an idiot mary sue and you guys should break the rules!**

But GleamSar ingored them. But she new she had too do somefing more impotent.

"LinoBlaz" she said locking for her deputy. "I nedd you to tack a patrole tothe Sadowclan boulder," "I need you ro tell BlackStar im leder know."

**Why?**

she said and she turnd and walked over the keader's den evwn though everone was trying to ask her questns about the serimy. "Guysz let me to to bed" she said shoeing them awy. /"Let me have a niche to myself!"

**Wow, what a bitch! The clan’s asking her questions and she just wants to take a nap!**

They all walked away groabling. "She nevwr let's us have any fun" said BeryNoise. "Thats not kawaii at all."

**Now I hate Berrynose even more for saying Kawaii**

GleamStar didnlt care sge was waiting for FireStar. Then FireHert came into her den. "I'm levving" he said and he lef. StarGleam followed him uyelling "WAIT!1!11 Where are you gong?"

**Agreed, why can’t Firestar stay?**

"Well I cant be ledder so I'm just goint to leaf for a while. Maybe Ill be a rogue, or maybe I'll go join skyCaln. Who knows?" Then he luf.

**That was sudden.**

StarGamet was sad b/c

**Is because seriously that hard to spell? Really?**

that was her mentor and one of the cats she luvved leaving but it was ka since thass what he wanted to due.

"Its oka StarStar" said HawkFrot appearating out of nonwhere. "I mean I love you so its all god."

**You need Jesus**

"I no" said StarGlea prring she wrapped her tail around HawkFrosts face she dint care that he was a rogue, she loved him. And now they could be togethier!/

**No**

...

Chater Eitheen The Deat 11 11 1

StarKit weak up shed been asleep.

**No shit**

Their was ayoll from the capm! She run otides her den she junped of the HighRidge. "I gott to kill ou: somone sadi. It WA.S….. TIGEERSTAR!

"Ttlu." Said HollyLefa meanly from his ides.

**The fuck did she say? Another Davinci Code of dumb!**

GLEAM STAR welled "GET OUT OF THE CRAMP EVERYONE" she coldu hander it heself.

"No" said BarkFall

**Birchfall?**

"we elov you somuch StarGleam we could'nt leafe u" NAD THE CATS FOUT!

**I wish they just left her to die at Tigerstar and Hollyleaf’s paws**

HolyKeaf turned into… a…. FUX!

**She turned into cats mating? Well, that’s... interesting...**

GlameStar surpised. She jopped! But it was too latte!1 The foz was an inc form her face when LinoBlaze apparetd! She clawed him They're was bold

. "noooooo" said GleamStart. She was greif.

**One, this isn’t as dramatic as you think, author. And two, why is Gleamstar suddenly the cat manifestation of grief?**

Teras falled down her sparkling grey checks

**OH GODDAMNIT, AUTHOR!!! CHOOSE A FUR COLOR AND STICK WITH IT!!!**

The shoned like the sun on her spakling checks. Her reinbow eyes where glowed lick skys after rani.. It was beutifly thohth HawkForts.

**Why would he think that during a battle?**

"its oyak StarGleam." said LionBealz. "I doe for you. it makes me gay whit hapyness."

"LIONBLAZE ARE YOU A….. HOMOSEZZUAL?/?/?/?2" said StG;eamStar. gasp. was here clan bevoming quare. Bet b4 he colde awnser he ded!

**HE’S DYING, YOU BITCH! DON’T BRING OUT YOUR HOMOPHOBIC AGENDA WHEN YOUR UNCLE IS DYING IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES!!!**

"NOOP" said GleamStar, "HE WAS MY BORTHERS FATHER I WILL AVENGE THOU."

**Finally!**

She said. She lapped at HolltLeaf! HollyFale lagged and run "its to lare" she meowled "lock behind u"

StarGleam looked. TiggClaw was scratching DAWNSPAEKLE she run up the he cat clawd him he ran aya. "get pout of here Hacky-kin"

**Who the hell is that?**

she sad its too danheros" "iie" 9meanes no) said Hawkyfrost. "I lobe you my daer I wan't live you."

**Why? You just met her!**

But the cats weer goin. Tiggerstar lagged sadly. "you mayt have defted ous this time," his said "but nest time well be STORNGER." Then he left. Then HolyLeag left. Then thuneer clan was saf!

**Sure.**

"since LionBleaze deid said Gleamstar I nedda new depudy. JazzPaw cum hear. JazzPaw came.

**Kinky**

"JazzPaw I want make you in warrior. So you can bw my depduey." JaszPaw smieled! She was so happ! "JazzPaw form now n youll be JazzSong. Also ur my depdy. Anyone have a problem with that?: she was mean bcase she was sad~

**Still a dick to her clan, I see**

no the cats said obdenintley. They new he was sad. They ripsected it,,

**Why? Being sad doesn’t mean you should act like an asshole!**

linblaze was her after all. besider mots of the cats thouhth StarG;eam was kawai when she was mad her eyes robbled. She and hawkFrost slept NOT LIKE THAT THERE NT MAKES THEY WOULD DO THAT YET DONT REMEMBER THE CMONDANTS?

**How is that going against the commandments?**

Im sorr it tock so logn, but I think I did real god on hese chathers.

**Yeah right**

I was tiered the last one was log

**You call less than 1000 words long?**


End file.
